Spring Time

Tomorrow is the first day of spring. I have to admit, this year started out rough. I am normally an optimistic person. I love the feeling of a clean slate, starting something new. And I also love birthdays. Work stress put a damper on things.

In the end, I realized that I am smarter than I give myself credit for. I am stronger and can persevere. I also came to the conclusion that I am at a time in my life where I will need to make some tough choices in accordance to what I see for myself in the future. I can no longer worry about the just now.

March has never felt special for me. This year, it's different. I am finally starting to feel like myself again. I am in a photography class. I started to eat more whole foods and less processed. It has now also been a full week since I put the treadmill to use as well. I hope to keep it up.

With the start of spring, it feels like the start of a new year.


Recap of the last two months:

It included an evening at the beach.

Running errands with my dad & bf.

A romantic valentine's day.

Working on photography projects.

Rediscovering old band tshirts.

and reuniting with old friends over dinner & tea.

a year older..

I am officially 29.

My birthday was yesterday. I spent a peaceful day at home as it was what I desperately needed.

I had no idea work stress had affected my daily life so much. Having the day off and then going back to work freshly reenergized made a huge difference on my outlook on things.

Today I am happier and at peace with myself. I am lucky enough to have caring family and friends who reminded me of that fact. Life is definitely better with loved ones to share it with.

Being surrounded by beauty also brightened the day.

And a very sweet and talented friend of mine surprised me with such a cool drawing.

29 isn't looking so bad.

case of the mondays

Hate that I am even using that phrase but today was a rough day. One of those days where you find your emotions over taking you and your eyes tearing up and fighting yourself to stay strong while feeling defeated.

Typically I look forward to my birthday week. This year I am looking forward to Wednesday night because I am taking Thursday off.

I am at a cross roads and this might be a sign that it is time for change. There is no better example to show me that I have been on the wrong path. I am forever grateful for this wrong path though. It made me responsible, reliable, and grateful for all it has taught me. It has afforded me many luxuries (like travel) which might not have been possible otherwise.

This might be the year of some hard decisions. The year thus far has been anything but easy.

Now if only those heart shaped glasses could show me the way...

Sunday Dread

I need to learn to live in the moment more. I am constantly thinking of the next thing. That is why I look forward to traveling. It forces me outside my comfort zone and to let go. It affords me the opportunity to have the next day to do as I wish with. So as I sit here wallowing in the fact that I must arise early tomorrow and work on a difficult project for 8 hours, I attempt to avoid that by researching possible travel locations for this year. 

Focusing on the positive to banish the Sunday night dread.

This week I will look forward to home cooked dinners, laughs, favorite tv shows, and home improvement/organization projects. 

Just getting back from work. I must admit that I left to work this morning dragging my feet and dreading being in an office for 8 hours. Thankfully I had a change of heart after 2 hours. I grabbed myself some green tea and realized that the day isn't so bad. Being pouty was no way to start the new year.

I'd like to commit to writing every day. Hopefully I will make writing here part of that. I would like to. And I would also like to share snapshots of every day life. It is a goal of mine to get out of my shell and comfort zone more often. I tend to only do so when pushed.

I noticed that the big trend this year seems to be to bash on those who have decided to make resolutions. To say to them, "hey if you haven't done it by now, what makes you think anything will change?" I hate that. It is so negative and why bash on anyone attempting or thinking of bettering themselves? I'm an avid list maker, planner, organizer. I love the feeling of a fresh start. Sure, I might fail but I won't fail every time. And those victories feel all the better.

So here are a few of my goals for this year:

• continue to further my education
• read a book a month
• spend time with my family (actually listen to dad's stories-maybe even write a few down)
• drink water 
• continue to travel
• don't be so shy that I miss out on capturing moments with my very unused camera
• write
• keep on saving for the future
• practice self love (respect and love my body-don't take it for granted. use it. hiking, yoga, biking, even a simple neighborhood walk)

Really it is all part of my life plan. I would like to think that I get wiser each year and in some ways I feel that I have grown and others are a constant battle. This year I just really want to laugh and feel the moments, know that I am living to my full potential and being in awe of the world around me, even a simple kitten snuggle. There is and should be happiness in each and every day. 

2014

Yesterday was filled with possibilities and today...I napped. Although I did manage to take down the christmas decorations but it has otherwise been an unproductive and relaxing day. I guess there is plenty more of 2014 left to accomplish goals.

Wednesday

It's now been over a week and I have yet to update. I keep meaning to write but...what to write about?

I have been reading a lot more lately. The last 3 books were The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Ham on Rye, and now reading Gone Girl. They all have the whole "writing to my diary" vibe. It is inspiring while I am soaking in the book but afterwards I never really set time aside to write and whatever thoughts flittered through my mind are long gone.

Do I aspire to be a writer? Is that what I want? What would I write about? Could I actually develop characters and a whole plot revolving around those characters?

Perhaps I can keep this blog going for myself as practice. It'll keep me focused and into the habit of writing more often.

I always assumed that with a nice set up the words would just come to me. I remember when I first moved into a bigger bedroom, at age 15, and my eyes immediately went to the two windows facing the backyard. They were evenly divided on one side of the wall and I thought how great it would be to put a desk between them so that I could write and have the sun stream in through the windows. I imagined writing and looking up every so often to the trees and birds outside. Of course things didn't go that way.  When I was at my desk, my time was spent instant messaging friends and "surfing the web" via land line (painfully slow) or doing homework. I only attempted short stories once or twice and by now they are gone along with the old computer my dad gave away.

I still long for the perfect writing spot but if and when it ever happens I will still probably end up writing in bed in my pajamas.